


Last Words

by VulpusTumultum



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Death of a loved one, Drabble, Gen, POV shifts, Reminiscing, alistair/hero of ferelden as memories mostly, dying heroes, i had to do the thing though, oh god the angst, spoilers for into the abyss i suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3648939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulpusTumultum/pseuds/VulpusTumultum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a very brief reunion with Leliana and an uncomfortable conversation about the past with  Cullen, Alistair gets to make his decision and stick to it this time in the Fade.</p><p>P.S.<br/>AT I'm sorry not sorry, gifting it to you. It's what you GET for being my friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AutopsyTurvy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutopsyTurvy/gifts).



> I have not actually played a DA:I game where Alistair is the Grey Warden, so this is all headcanon rather than having as much full canon as I might usually try working in.

Cullen had been so busy that he'd not gotten a good look at the Grey Warden who had returned to Skyhold with Hawke, until the actual briefing, but had thought maybe- there was something familiar about him. Leliana actually showing a reaction should have been a hint, but still, it didn't fully click until she and Hawke introduced him to Josephine and Cassandra- Leliana hadn't been part of the group that had saved the Ferelden Circle, but she knew about it, and assumed Cullen remembered the man.

And he did, to a degree: Alistair, Grey Warden and bastard son of King Maric, still not exactly welcome back in his homeland by Queen Anora, even if she allowed him in for Warden business rather than kept him in total exile.

One of Amell's companions, but really, when they had met- they hadn't exactly been introduced. And Cullen had not been thinking very rationally. He was surprised that the warrior seemed to remember and recognize him more readily- but then it was time for the meeting, to find out what he and Hawke had discovered about Adamant, so that the War Council and Inquisitor could get chart their course to stop it.

Later, though, he found the man leaning against the battlements by his tower, staring out at the mountains, and Cullen paused as Alistair looked to him and nodded. The Knight Commander's vague recollection of him from after the nightmare at the Circle was over except for cleanup was- of course, younger, and also, he vaguely recalled, prone to making jokes about things.

“I don't think Hawke realized I knew you as well as Leliana. Glad Hawke didn't tell her I was his contact, it was fun surprising her, I get the feeling not much does anymore.”

“Ah, I didn't exactly speak much with Hawke in Kirkwall, and it was always official business, usually involving paying him or giving him some manner of warning,” Cullen moved to look out at the mountains as well, though he would rather the conversation turned elsewhere, he somehow did want to actually have a conversation with the Warden now. A lot had, after all, changed. “And you are right, Leliana is very hard to surprise.”

“Does she ever actually sing at all anymore?”

“Not that I've ever heard, no.”

“Shame, even the Qunari with us always thought she sounded pretty, and he was a lot less into pretty than the one you've got here.”

“I get the feeling most of them are less into pretty than he is, yes,” as far as slightly awkward conversations went between bare acquaintances, it so far was going at least fairly well. “I was a little surprised that you remembered me.”

The Warden chuckled, “Since you likely barely remembered me? We both certainly had distractions at the time- but.. no, I remembered you well. Rather silly reason for it too.”

“I'm almost afraid to ask- I know I wasn't very coherent at the time...”

Alistair smiled slightly, though there wasn't much actual humor in it, “Well, mistaking Amell for a desire demon or illusion was a fairly coherent guess, really, you wouldn't have expected her to ever return, much less to do so in order to try saving everyone. Also she _was_ pretty-”

Cullen was surprised to find himself flushing with embarrassment, even after so long. Though now, some of it was the flash of shame too, remembering how he'd even thought of her eventually. He'd wanted her to just.. kill all the other mages, everyone she'd known, and part of him had somehow felt that her saving them had been a mistake, even a betrayal, though the ones she had saved had been victims too. Some of the embarrassment still though was over his rather foolish and quite forbidden infatuation with her from before she'd been conscripted into the Grey Wardens. Hard to leave behind all the training sometimes.

“I.. ah, yes,” he managed, a little ruefully, “She was that. I'd... admired her quite a bit.”

“She thought of you as one of the nicer Templars, at the least- I suppose you were not exactly good friends. And that's the foolish reason I remember you- for quite some time, after seeing her fuss over you, I had this despairing worry that somehow Ivelli merely put up with me because I reminded her of you, all shiny plate armor and a shield, with Templar training and the rest of it,” he chuckled quietly, “Jealousy makes a young idiot remember people fairly well.”

“I- doubt she was anywhere near that serious about me.”

“She wasn't,” the man said it rather cheerfully, and Cullen decided he still clearly enjoyed poking fun at others, “But she'd still be happy to know you're doing well now. Provided you are, that is.”

“I am, yes. The Inquisition suits me far better.”

Now the redhead seemed to grow more somber, “Good. Then she would be happy.”

“I suppose she would be- I am sorry, I had never really heard that you and Amell were-” Cullen wasn't entirely sure how to phrase it, somehow.

“If she'd have let me have my way, it would be her standing here now. But she- sorry, I seem to be getting rather depressing. It was strange, seeing the ruins of Haven and the Temple of Sacred Ashes- not that I had fond memories of Haven itself, it was all crazy cultists trying to kill us, right down to the children trying to bite our knees off- plus the dragon- but still. Found myself feeling rather personally offended that it was all gone- her finding the Ashes is part of why she was remembered, after all. Outside of the Circle, and those who fought beside her, no one remembers _her._ ”

Cullen wasn't sure how well he truly had ever known her- but.. he remembered her quiet, promising, intelligent, and yes, pretty. Trusting the wrong friend, and seeming to accept she'd be punished for it until the Grey Warden named Duncan had conscripted her away from it. Coming back and refusing to believe everyone was beyond salvation- and then vanishing again to die facing an archdemon.

“I do,” he said, since that seemed to be the only thing to say, really.

 

-0-

 

“Hawke you _were_ right. This is a Grey Warden problem- the nightmare is mine. Best hurry through, I can't keep it distracted long- and your sister would hate to not be able to yell at you again about being a Warden, and I'd hate for that to mean she yelled at me.”

 That reminder shut even Hawke up, not that he wanted to deal with Bethany's anger again, but just the reminder that there were people waiting for him- which was also a reminder of some of the things the demon had taunted Alistair with, loud enough for all of them to hear. He swore, and the Inquisitor put a hand on his shoulder, then on the Warden's, and nodded.

“Thank you.”

 

-0-

 

Other than the false Calling, since the end of the Blight, Alistair hadn't had nightmares so much about darkspawn- or rather, they'd been about darkspawn from the past, and the woman he loved pushing past him to deliver the killing blow.

 “ _Shut up, Alistair, you're not the one dying- I decided that when I refused the deal.”_

 “ _The what?”_

 “ _You like being a Warden- you think it's an honor- I just wanted to be able to read books and live a quiet life, maybe get to see the outside of the tower. I'm not getting that dream, other than being outside the tower- and not going to live what I do get without you. I should have taken the deal, but- I didn't trust her.”_

 “ _Trust- **IVELLE** -”_

  _He hadn't moved fast enough, too slow to realize when she was done talking. And then she was gone._

 And now, he was charging a demon even larger- if not the 'right' kind.

 

-0-

 

Hawke took the news to Weishaupt, likely he planned to do quite a bit of angry swearing at the Warden's uppermost ranks.

 

Leliana didn't cry, in front of witnesses, at least, but she told a few more stories from the old days traveling with the Hero of Ferelden. Varric might have written a few of them down.

 

And Cullen just quietly remembered AListair, and also Amell from time to time- as if he'd made the man an actual promise to do so.  It seemed the least he could do.

**Author's Note:**

> So I was showering and started thinking about a thing I wrote in which Cullen talks to his Lavellan about Amell he'd crushed on, and pondering that I am not totally thrilled with it and maybe should edit it up. And then my brain was all "NO ACTUALLY you want to write the absolute opposite of that fluff, and make yourself cry because of Alistair. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA 
> 
> So that's how this happened.  
> Help, the plotbunnies are out of control.


End file.
